Our daughter arrived in the world six months ago, and while that day was one of the most beautiful of my life, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous too. We were now responsible for this precious little life, and my wife and I both work full-time jobs without family nearby – which meant we’d have plenty on our plate.
Six months in, I can say that I’m happier than I’ve ever been without sacrificing any of the things that are important to me, while still spending plenty of quality time with my daughter. I’ve learned a ton, though, about time management, prioritization, mindfulness, and so much more.
With that in mind, here are five pieces of advice on parenting you probably haven’t heard before.
1. You Can Do It All
When our daughter was born, I had expected to give up some of the things that are most important to me. I still have a full-time corporate job (I work remote), I’m pretty much the homemaker since my wife works 70-80 hours per week (6 days a week), I’m a content creator, and I love to run.
Surely at least one of those pieces had to go, right?
Wrong. I’ve been able to keep up with all of those, while still making sure I’m doing well mentally and emotionally. So, if you’re a parent-to-be worried about having to give up activities that are important to you – you may not have to.
With that in mind, the best way to do it all is...
2. Be More Flexible Than You’ve Ever Been
I love a routine. I live for those mornings of waking up at a consistent time, starting with a workout, doing some creating or reading, and then getting to work.
So, while it’s possible to do it all, it probably won’t look like it did before baby arrived – and that’s okay. I’ve had to give up outdoor runs about 75% of the time, opting instead for a treadmill that I ordered to run indoors while baby slept. I get my work done while she sleeps, but there are plenty of times when she’s fussy or wakes up quicker than expected, and I have to drop whatever I’m doing to prioritize her.
Going into parenting with the expectation that you’ll have to be insanely flexible about your schedule to keep doing all the things you love doing will help avoid frustration when those situations come up.
3. Prioritize, Prioritize, Prioritize
One of the biggest mental shifts that comes with being a parent is that your time is no longer yours. Your baby will dictate your schedule - when you eat, when you sleep, when you get to make it out of the house.
I used to feel like I had the freedom to work as much as I needed to. If I had a big project coming up at work, I could stay an hour or two later online to get it done. If I wanted to crank out a YouTube video, I could edit into the evening.
That’s no longer the case, and for the first time in my life I feel like I’m truly limited by the amount of time I have available – not by my own mental discipline.
That means that, in order to get done everything that’s important, I have to prioritize. I make a mental priority list for each part of the day. For example, when baby’s sleeping, I prioritize the things I can’t do while watching her. If I need to voice over a video or get a few miles in on the treadmill, I’ll make sure to get started on those as soon as she goes down to sleep – no matter what I was doing before.
Make a mental (or physical) list of everything that you need to do in a day, and know what order they need to get done in – and which can wait, if you don’t have the time.
4. Self-Care Comes In Unexpected Forms
Okay, that all might sound like a lot – and without the proper mental preparation, trying to do it all while also parenting can definitely lead to burnout.
Gone are the days where I could sit down on my lunch break and binge an hour of Star Wars Rebels or play two hours of Zelda after closing my work laptop for the day. Instead, if I manage to do either of those, it’s in much smaller chunks – if at all.
Maintaining a healthy mental state is crucial to being a good parent, though, so it’s important to be thoughtful about how you’re going to fit in self-care. And it will most likely be in unconventional ways.
For me, self-care looks like running in the morning before baby is awake, and reading a book on my phone while I feed her a bottle when I need a few minutes of rest. It’s forcing myself to sit down and write in my journal after I get off of work, even if I don’t feel like it at the moment – because I know I’ll feel better after I do.
Self-care comes in a thousand different forms, so just find what works for you and then find the pockets of time when you can fit it in.
5. Good Enough Is Good Enough
Despite all of the ways I’ve found to care for myself and reinforce positive self-thoughts, I still have found myself feeling pressure to do more. It feels like there’s always a new dish sitting in the sink or a pile of laundry waiting to be folded. If I let myself, I’ll busy myself all day long trying to keep the house clean - only for it to never feel truly “done.”
When you feel that pressure, you have to remind yourself of what’s truly important. I promise your kids won’t remember the small mess around the house (after all, they’re probably the ones who created it), but will remember if you choose to engage with them every day and give them genuine, quality attention.
When you feel that pull to be perfect, to do more than good enough, stop, breathe, and remind yourself that good enough is truly good enough.
Parenting isn’t easy, and a good day is one when I get to show my daughter love and attention, spend genuine quality time with her, and feel good mentally. I might need to pick up takeout for dinner because I didn’t get time to cook, or I might have twice the number of dishes to do tomorrow morning, but that’s okay. I know that I’m doing my best, and I know that good enough is good enough.
Try to remember that, whether you’re a new parent or a parent-to-be – and enjoy every moment as much as you can.
